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When might you need to take your ex to court after divorce?
When you finalize your divorce agreement with your spouse, you hope that you don’t have to end up in a courtroom with them again. Even when you encounter the inevitable disagreements and confusion over some of the provisions, you can probably work them out together.
However, there are times when you may need to go to court to enforce one of your agreements. This is typically done by filing a petition alleging contempt of court. That sounds like a serious allegation – and it is. However, if they’re intentionally defying a court order, that’s the appropriate term.
Let’s look at some of the most common reasons for divorce-related contempt of court petitions.
Nonpayment of child or spousal support
If your ex isn’t making the payments they were ordered to make on-time and in full, that can have a serious impact on your and your children’s financial well-being. If someone isn’t voluntarily making these payments, a judge can order their wages to be garnished and/or penalize them in a variety of ways, including sending them to jail.
Emerging from property division proceedings in good financial shape
Aside from matters involving children, property division is one of the most contentious elements of getting a divorce. Both spouses want a property settlement that they believe is balanced and fair. While this seems like a manageable goal, striking the right balance is difficult in many divorces.
For most people going through a divorce, emotions typically take center stage, meaning that your feelings can overtake your otherwise good judgment. However, you can get a handle on your feelings and emerge from the property division stage of divorce in good shape financially.
Tips to help you get a fair property settlement
Understand the marital property laws in your state. Illinois is an equitable distribution state, which means courts strive to approve settlements that are fair to each spouse. You should also know that the term "equitable" does not necessarily mean equal in terms of how judges address property division.
Consider your short- and long-term financial needs. Most people want to come out of the divorce with the largest share of the total marital property. For many, this may mean keeping the family home or other property requiring maintenance. It may be wiser to consider your long-term situation and make sure you can afford the costs associated with certain assets.
Struggling with divorce? These 3 tips can help make it easier
When you’re going through a divorce, there is no doubt that it can be emotionally and financially straining. You may be dealing with conflicts or trying to manage coping with the fallout of separating. Adjusting isn’t always easy, but there are three things you can do to help yourself.
Take time for yourself
One of the most important steps during a divorce is to take time for yourself. Divorces are challenging, especially if there are conflicts. Set aside time to unwind, relax, sleep well and eat well.
Don’t be afraid of speaking with your attorney
When times get tough, don’t be afraid to talk to your attorney or to ask for more help. The reality is that you are dealing with a situation that is likely emotionally charged and draining. Your attorney can provide you with guidance on the legal aspects of divorce, support you during negotiations and more.
Keep track of every negative interaction
If you are dealing with a conflict-ridden divorce, then keep track of all your negative interactions with your spouse. Whether they’re on your voicemail or in your text messages, those hurtful words should be submitted as evidence of how your spouse is treating you or your children when they think the court isn’t looking.
How can you help your kids through your divorce?
Making the decision to divorce isn’t easy for many parents. You might be worried about how you’re going to get your kids through it. The good news is that children are resilient. They’ll likely take your lead when it comes to how to process the divorce. By taking the time to reassure them that everything’s going to be fine and that both parents still love them, you can help them cope.
There are several ways that you might be able to minimize the negative aspects of the divorce. Thinking about these before you even tell them about the impending divorce is often beneficial. If possible, discuss them with the other parent, so you can develop a mutual plan.
Create a united parenting front
Children who go through their parents’ divorce will sometimes try to play one parent against the other. If you and your ex present a united front, the kids will quickly realize that it isn’t going to work. You can tell the children about the divorce together, so they see that you’re both committed to raising them. Some children may worry that their parents won’t be involved with them, so try to quell these fears from the start.
What can you do if your spouse has hidden assets from the courts?
Like most states, Illinois tries to be fair to both spouses in a contested divorce situation. If people ending their marriage don't have pre-existing agreements about how to split up their property, the courts step in to make those important financial decisions.
When applying the equitable distribution standard, family law judges look over the inventory of a couple's assets and debts from during their marriage. The judge can then use that information to make appropriate decisions about the fairest way to split up the property shared by the spouses.
Many people getting a divorce are eager to secure favorable terms for themselves, even if it means playing dirty. Some people choose to hide valuable property or bank accounts from their spouse and the courts during a divorce. If you suspect that your spouse is one of those people, you may have to take extra steps in order to secure a reasonable and fair property settlement.
You can show the courts evidence of the problem
Do you need a confidentiality agreement for your divorce?
Confidentiality agreements in divorce aren’t just for famous people who don’t want their exes (or soon-to-be-exes) going on social media or to the press with their grievances and spilling private details about their businesses, personal finances and the various divorce agreements in the process. There are a number of reasons why you may want to seek a confidentiality agreement before you begin the divorce process.
First, let’s look at what a divorce confidentiality agreement can protect. Typically, it’s drafted to prevent any document or information that wasn’t accessible to the other spouse or to the public prior to the divorce from being made public because of the divorce.
In most cases, people don’t include any separate personal accounts or other personal financial information in the confidentiality agreement (unless they are a well-known person and don’t want the public to know how much money they have – or how deeply in debt they might be). However, if you own a business, you have an obligation to your partners, clients and others not to let proprietary information be made public.
Post-divorce parenting: You need the same rules
One important thing that can make post-divorce parenting go smoothly is if you and your ex have the same rules for your children. This gives them the same sort of structure and routine that they would have experienced during the marriage, and it can reduce conflict.
This can include having the same consequences when the rules are broken. For instance, maybe education has always been very important in your household. You tell your children that they cannot cut school and that they must do their homework on time. If they don’t, they know that they can expect to be grounded from their electronic devices.
Having this rule in just one home, but not the other, can undermine the effectiveness. Instead of teaching the children how to act and what is important, it just creates arguments. They may claim that “Mom lets me do this” or “Dad doesn’t punish me this way” to get out of the rules you’ve laid down. You and your ex will actively be working against one another.
Tips for making divorce easier and less stressful
You know that you want to get divorced. That doesn’t mean that you want to engage in a stressful and combative legal process that seems to drag on forever. What can you do, however, to make your divorce easier and less stressful?
One thing to keep in mind is that communication is critical. Find ways to communicate with your ex. Don’t withhold information. Don’t let emotions keep you from working toward your common goal — ending your legal relationship. Focus on how you can work together even if you’re not on the best of terms.
If you can, try to limit conflicts and confrontations, as well. Remember that you may have to make some compromises. Even when you’re unhappy with the other person, don’t let that give you a combative mindset. As with the above, your goal should be working together, not against one another.
If all of this seems difficult, remember that you can take steps outside of the legal process to reduce your stress. For instance, some people find it helpful to join a support group. Others get support from friends and family members. Still others look for new hobbies and work to stay busy so that they’re not just sitting around and thinking about the divorce.
Do people get married again after getting divorced?
You often hear about people getting remarried after getting divorced, but it typically means marrying someone new. That first relationship is over. A few years down the line, they meet someone else, fall in love and try to give marriage a second shot.
But what if you want to marry the same person for a second time? Is that possible, or does the divorce legally cut off your relationship forever?
While this isn’t a common practice, it is certainly not illegal. You can get divorced, decide it was a mistake and get married again.
One reason that people do this is when they have children together. The marriage may have gone through a rough patch, but even a divorce doesn’t end their actual relationship since they’re both still parents to those children. They see each other often and have to work together to raise the kids. After a few years, they may realize that they wish they’d just stayed married.
It’s wise to remember, however, that second marriages tend to lead to divorce more often. Granted, these statistics often refer to second marriages to new people, not to the same people, but the risk is higher. If you get divorced and then married again, are you really just increasing the odds that you’ll turn around a go through a second divorce?
Can you cut off your ex’s visitation rights?
It’s sometimes hard for parents to share custody rights. Maybe your children tell you that they don’t want to go stay with your ex. Maybe you don’t like the living environment they’re subjected to when they’re at that person’s home. You may be sorely tempted to cut off all visitation, but can you?
First and foremost, violating a court order is illegal — and your parenting plan is a court order. Do not refuse to let your ex see the kids if the order says that they should. You could face very serious ramifications.
The main reason that visitation or custody rights get revoked is when a parent is deemed to be a threat to the safety of the kids. Only a very real threat is considered important enough. If your ex is abusive and you have pictures of the injuries to prove it, for instance, the court will not want to keep the children in that dangerous situation. You can get the order changed and may even be able to get a protection order against your ex.
Many things you may think are abhorrent won't be viewed that way by the court. Maybe your ex allows the kids to skip doing their homework and just lets them watch TV. Is that good for them? Of course not. They need to do their work and your ex should want to engage with them and spend time with them. However, doing a poor job of parenting is not the same as posing a threat. Don’t deny visitation for things like this.
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