Posted on September 19, 2019 in Divorce

To get a divorce, you have to serve your spouse with notice that you intend to obtain one, but that isn't always an easy task. If your spouse picked up stakes and moved on without leaving a forwarding address, what can you do?

1. Do your best to locate your spouse

You can't resort to a backup method of notification under Illinois law until you can show the court that you've made a diligent effort to find your spouse — even if he or she doesn't want to be found.

This includes things like:

• Doing an online search for your spouse's address.
• Trying to contact your spouse through social media.
• Contacting your spouse's known relatives or friends.
• Checking your spouse's last known place of employment.

Exactly what you have to do to satisfy the court will vary on your particular situation — but you generally need to establish that you have genuinely tried and aren't just looking to skirt the normal notification procedure for some reason.

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 Posted on September 13, 2019 in Child Custody

It's not uncommon to hear jokes about panicked or clueless fathers trying to handle the morning routine with the kids. You also hear jokes about new mothers who are nervous about leaving their husbands in charge of the baby for the first time.

Those jokes play on our culture's subconscious beliefs about the nature of men and women when it comes to parenting. Moms are considered "naturally gifted" at handling a toddler's strange food requests, a preschooler who is determined to dress himself and a grade schooler's absent-mindedness. Dads are seen as somehow just barely able to make it through a few hours alone with the kids without a serious mishap occurring.

It turns out that those subconscious stereotypes may hinder a man's ability to fully function as a father. Dads tend to rely on moms too much to direct the flow of action with their children and set boundaries. Moms tend to interfere too much with the dads' approaches to parenting.

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 Posted on September 03, 2019 in Divorce

You're at your wits' end with your spouse and your marriage. Despite all your efforts at keeping your marriage together, you realize that it's over.

You very likely feel that you failed at something, whether that something was keeping your commitment to your marriage alive, providing a stable home for your children inside a nuclear family or just finding the strength to endure the bad times.

But, what if the end of your marriage and divorce isn't a failure? What if it simply means that you are refocusing your priorities and accepting the changes necessary to make your life — and the lives of your children — better?

Here are several reasons that you shouldn't equate divorce with failure:

• If keeping the marriage going means ignoring your own mental and physical health, you've lost sight of what marriage should be. Marriage should be a beneficial partnership — not a constant drain on your resources.
• A bad marriage can lock you inside a "role" that isn't who you want to be. Divorce can let you break free of that role and reinvent yourself. You may end up happier than ever before.

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 Posted on August 27, 2019 in Family Law

A constant source of frustration for divorced parents who have to pay child support is that they often doubt that their hard-earned money is actually going to their child. They often suspect the money is going to fund the receiving parent's lifestyle or unnecessary items.

Those parents often wish there was a way to force the receiving parent to account for every last dime of support. Well, there are two reasons that isn't usually done. Understanding the reason Illinois doesn't normally demand an accounting of child support may help you accept the situation.

First, the statute doesn't demand it

Illinois statute 750 ILCS 5/505 controls the way child support is handled. The fact is that there is no provision that requires the receiving parent to provide proof of how the child support was spent. Laws that govern the expectations laid on divorced people are generally designed to minimize disputes and encourage public peace.

If recipient parents had to account for all the child support they receive, it would be a big burden on them. In addition, it could lead to countless arguments. For example, imagine that a recipient parent spends the support on piano lessons for the child — but the paying parent thinks piano lessons are a waste of money. The arguing could end up in court and cause endless problems.

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 Posted on August 22, 2019 in Divorce

One of the biggest worries a lot of parents have when they divorce is how it's going to affect their child's ability to function in school. It's a natural concern. You know that academic success can be the basis for a future that's prosperous and happy. Failure in school can easily cut off avenues for success in life that can't be reopened.

Studies confirm that students can be negatively impacted at school by their parents' divorce — especially if it isn't the first divorce they've gone through. However, the real damage actually starts well before the divorce.

According to one study, the psychological effects of parental divorce are visible in children up to three years prior to the actual divorce, they get worse as the divorce approaches and then recede after the divorce.

Unfortunately, test scores tend to follow a downward pattern early and continue that way — even after the child psychologically recovers from the divorce.

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 Posted on August 12, 2019 in Child Custody

If you don't have primary custody of your children after divorce, you may find yourself struggling to stay connected to them and their lives. This frayed connection can even happen when parents share custody 50-50. In that 50% of the time your kids aren't with you, you can miss out on a lot

Let's look at some ways that you can continue to have a close relationship with your children regardless of how limited your time may be with them.

First, it helps to have a positive relationship with your co-parent. This will encourage them to share information about your kids that they might keep to themselves otherwise.

Parents should always share information about school and extracurricular events as well as medical issues, troubles with teachers or friends and any behavioral or emotional problems your kids might be experiencing. This will also help the two of you develop and enforce rules consistently across your two households, which can be a source of comfort to kids — no matter how much they might complain about them.

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 Posted on August 09, 2019 in Child Custody

Is it even possible for you and your spouse to create a great family atmosphere for your children after your divorce?

Absolutely! If you think about it, some of the reasons that you ended up divorced included not being happy with your ex — and that definitely affected the atmosphere of your home. More than likely, you and your spouse also argued in front of the kids more than you wanted — which also didn't help create a happy home.

Now that you and your spouse are no longer married, the good news is that you can actually hit "reset" in a way and make family life better for the kids. Here's how:

1. Find someone to vent to about your spouse.

You need someone to express your frustrations to about your spouse. A therapist or your best friend will help you keep your negative feelings in check when you're around your ex and kids.

2. Work on a set of rules for parenting with your ex.

This is critical when it comes to creating a happy environment for your kids. Learn to separate your issues with your spouse and keep them distinct from the parenting issues. Strive for:

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 Posted on July 31, 2019 in Automobile

Deep down, you know the risks of driving over the speed limit. You are more likely to crash, resulting in injuries. You may have difficulty stopping in time or adjusting to changes in the road. Driving too fast can also result in a speeding ticket.

A speeding ticket may seem like a common thing, and your impulse may the to pay the fine and move on with your life. However, this may not always be the most advantageous choice. Paying the fine means you accept the charges, and that is the same as having a conviction on your record. While you certainly understand the consequences of having a serious crime such as a felony on your record, you should also know that even a traffic ticket can cause trouble for your future.

Questioning the evidence

Most drivers take for granted that police officers are telling the truth when they tell drivers how fast they were going. However, did you ever wonder how the officer knew how fast you were traveling? It is possible that the officer's method of tracking your speed was not reliable, so it is smart to politely ask what method the officer used. If you decide to fight the ticket in court, the accuracy of the device may play an important role in your defense. Other evidence may include:

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 Posted on July 30, 2019 in Divorce

Could you be in a toxic marriage?

In a toxic marriage, you aren't free to change and grow. If anything, you find yourself withering, being exhausted at the mere idea of enduring time with your spouse and feeling trapped.

Often, it's easier for outsiders to see just how toxic a marriage really is to their loved one. They can tell that the emotional garden your marriage is planting is full of weeds or poisonous plants, while you're focused on the one or two flowers that are managing to grow.

So, what signs can help you spot a toxic marriage? Here are a few:

1. Your spouse's jokes are covert critiques

Jokes should be funny for everyone. When your spouse "jokingly" makes fun of your weight, your work, your efforts at cooking and other things that matter to you, that's hurtful behavior — yet, somehow, you're portrayed as the "bad guy" if you don't laugh.

What's really happening is that your spouse is killing your self-esteem, one "joke" at a time.

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 Posted on July 22, 2019 in Child Custody

Shared parenting scares a lot of soon-to-be-divorced parents. The whole idea of being separated from their child for any length of time is upsetting — and many parents start out wanting sole physical custody of their children following the divorce.

Well, sole physical custody isn't the way that the family court system prefers to handle child custody these days. There's an abundance of evidence that says that — in most cases — children do better when they maintain strong connections with both of their parents.

When isn't shared parenting a good idea?

The only time shared parenting is a bad idea is when the children would be actively in danger while they're with their other parent. In other words, situations where the other parent has:

• Uncontrolled mental illness that is severe enough to make him or her lose touch with reality
• A drug addiction that could cause him or her to neglect or endanger the children

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