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When should you seek guardianship of a grandchild in Illinois?
Are you a grandparent who is raising your grandchild because their parents are unable to? You aren't alone. The Illinois Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS) says that more than 100,000 grandparents in the state are in the same situation.
In some situations, grandparents are able to obtain legal custody or formally adopt their grandchildren. However, many choose to seek guardianship rights instead.
What is guardianship?
Guardianship grants you the authority to make the day-to-day decisions regarding your grandchild's care. It means that you have the legal right to decide where the child lives and goes to school and things like what medical care they receive.
Obtaining guardianship confers formal rights to you over your grandchild's future and enables you to receive benefits for that child, apply for financial assistance from the state and obtain respite care.
When is seeking guardianship of a grandchild a good idea?
New law will make it easier on divorced women to reclaim names
When you're a woman, changing your last name at marriage is a social custom that's so widely accepted it's accomplished just by showing your marriage certificate when you update your driver's license and Social Security record.
If you get divorced, however, the road back to your previous name is not so simple. In fact, many Illinois women consider it downright intrusive and complicated — to the point where they may put the whole thing off indefinitely rather than cope with the hassle and exposure.
Things may soon change. If Governor J.B. Pritzker signs the legislation that's currently in front of him (and he's widely expected to do so), women will gain the right to change their names back to their maiden name following a divorce without the hassle of publishing (and paying for) an announcement in the newspaper to alert potential creditors. That requirement is waived during a name change due to marriage — but no such provision exists for divorce.
Who gets the dog in the divorce in Illinois?
Illinois is one of the few states in the country that — thanks to a relatively recent law — allows judges to treat dogs (and other pets) as something other than property that has to be allocated to one spouse or the other in a split.
Under Illinois law, judges can now consider the "best interest of the animal" when deciding who gets custody of a family pet. The law only applies to pets that are potentially marital assets — as service animals belong to the person they are designed to assist, and pets that were owned prior to marriage are individual property.
While judges and attorneys say that pet custody usually gets worked out by the divorcing couple before they get all the way to court, there are times when it becomes a real issue. When that happens, the situation can quickly escalate into a full-blown battle.
So, how do you show that you're the best person to keep custody of a pet? Here are some suggestions:
Keep good records
The importance of fathers to their children's development
Did you settle for less-than-equal parenting time with the kids when you split from your ex-wife? If so, you may have done yourself and your children a huge disservice.
Conventionally, a lot of people seem to believe that it's more important for mothers to be present in their children's lives on a daily basis than it is for fathers to be there — but the research shows something much different.
Fathers have such a profound effect on their children (and vice-versa) that there is a measurable difference between how well premature babies develop with and without their father's frequent visits. Early bonding with a child also produces chemical changes in the father's brain, mimicking the maternal connection women have with their babies.
For the sake of your children's well-being, here are the things you need to have following a split with your spouse:
1. Plenty of time
Children thrive best when parents are equally invested in their upbringing — and that requires equal parenting time.
Introducing the kids to a new romantic partner after divorce
Want to know one sure-fire way to end up back in court with your ex-spouse?
Here's all it takes: Introduce the kids to your new romantic partner right away.
While there's nothing in your divorce papers that prevents you from moving on and finding someone new, it's pretty much universally agreed that you need to take things slowly where the kids are concerned. No matter how old your children are, introducing them too quickly to your new boyfriend or girlfriend can cause an unbelievable amount of stress. This is why:
Children need time to adjust to their new situation
You can't expect kids to "go with the flow" of your new relationship. They need time to adjust first to your divorce, then to the idea that you might see someone else.
They may get attached too quickly
If your children are feeling lonely or depressed about their absent Mom or Dad, having a new maternal or paternal figure in the picture can lead to confusion and over-attachment. That's psychologically damaging on a number of levels — but particularly so if the relationship doesn't work out, and your new partner vanishes.
Are you ready for your teen to move in with your ex?
You and your spouse have experienced many changes since the birth of your children. Perhaps the most challenging changes occurred during and after your divorce. Scheduling time with the children may have included arguments and disputes, but if you received primary custody, you were fortunate to be with them more often as they grew.
Now you have a teenager in the house, and this alone is a new experience. However, you may be shocked and confused if your teen recently announced that he or she wants to move out of your house and in with your ex. This is not unusual, but the way you handle the situation may mean the difference in your future relationship with your child.
Keeping the conversation positive
Before you make any moves, you will want to review your custody plan. Whether yours came as an Illinois court order or was a plan you and your ex designed, it is not wise to make any extreme changes without the advice of an attorney.
If granting your child's request is advisable, your legal counselor may recommend seeking a custody modification from the court. This will give you the protection of the law if any disputes should arise in the future. However, you may decide to fight the idea for your child's own good. Nevertheless, you can address the question with your child with these things in mind:
Children of affluence affected more by parents' divorce
Did your divorce take you by surprise? If you generally had a comfortable and stable life prior to your divorce, you need to keep a close eye on your children in the months and years following your split from your spouse. They may be struggling harder with the divorce than other kids.
Divorce has become so common these days that almost every kid knows another kid whose parents are divorced. Most of the time, children seem to handle the shift in their circumstances fairly well — far better than a lot of people expect.
However, children who come from advantaged households — homes that are less likely on a statistical level to be broken — end up having a harder time coping with their parents' divorce and the aftermath than kids who come from homes where there has always been a lot of marital instability.
Basically, when a divorce blindsides the adults, it also does the same to the kids. Children who have witnessed the marital strife of their parents are more emotionally and mentally prepared for the upheaval of divorce than kids who haven't. Family instability comes as a shock — and the result is children who fare poorly in school and socially.
One factor that increases your chances of divorce by a third
Women: Does your recent raise or job change mean that you now earn more money than your male spouse? Is your spouse working part-time to finish school or participate in child care because your career is on more stable ground and more financially viable than his?
If so, your chance of a divorce just climbed up by 33%. Before anyone jumps to conclusions, however, the blame for the breakdown in relationships over income disparity when a male spouse earns less than his wife can't be attributed only to the way men react. American women also have a hard time handling the imbalance.
Among heterosexual couples, there's a longstanding cultural expectation in America that men should be the primary "breadwinner" even when the wife works. Her income is usually seen as supplemental — even though two-job families are the norm in America today. It seems like neither gender quite knows how to handle the fact that women are increasingly earning as much or more than their male spouses.
Could 1 of these 4 things be quietly destroying your marriage?
Is your marriage withering away under the strain of something unspoken? Psychologists refer to certain traits in couples as silent "relationship killers." These are issues that come between couples over time — without necessarily even being noticed at first.
The reality is that most marriages don't implode suddenly over something large — like infidelity or a similar betrayal. Instead, they slowly disintegrate because they aren't be nurtured properly. What gets in the way? The following:
1. Changing goals
In a perfect world, couples would always grow together and their goals would always align. Unfortunately, that doesn't always happen, particularly if you were young when you got married. People change — and don't always end up on the path they expect to be on.
2. Resentment
If your spouse seems to actively resent something you do, something about you or just seems to resent your life together, that's going to constantly seep into their interactions with you. Sarcasm and passive-aggressive tactics are tough to handle and many people who find themselves on the wrong end of a spouse's resentment just quit trying.
Separation anxiety during visits with a non-custodial parent
One of the hardest parts about being a divorced parent is the fact that you have to divvy up your child's time with your ex-spouse. It can be excruciating, however, when your child experiences separation anxiety during those visitations.
Neither you nor your ex-spouse wants your child to suffer. Having your child cling to you or cry as you walk away isn't pleasant for you. Peeling your child away from you as they cry isn't pleasant for your ex. So, what can you do to make things better?
Here are some tips:
1. Recognize separation anxiety when you see it.
No matter what age your child is, they may experience:
- Crying fits
- Anxiety attacks
- Trouble sleeping
- Lack of appetite
- Irritability for no obvious reason
- Anger or frustration
- Fearfulness
A mild crying fit occasionally probably isn't anything to worry about. However, you know your child best and you know when something is really concerning.
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