Posted on April 05, 2019 in Divorce

On any given day, life can seem totally overwhelming. There's work stress, kid stress, school stress, money stress and health issues to deal with — so how do you manage to cope when your marriage stress turns into a divorce?

Carefully. You have to be prepared to focus on your kids, yourself and your divorce — in that order — for a while. Everything else may have to take a backseat.

Here are some tips:

1. Realize that the changes are huge.

You are probably not going to hold onto a semblance of your old life in any real way.

More than just your spouse no longer being present, you may find yourself relocating, looking for new friends and changing everything about yourself. The harder you try to hold onto the past, the more self-created stress you'll feel, so don't grasp too hard on what you had. Instead, try to embrace the changes.

2. Cut negative people out of your life.

Part of "not hanging onto the past" means that you may need to make changes to your social circle. If your in-laws aren't supportive and able to be civil around you, don't deal with them. Let your ex-spouse take the kids over for visits.

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 Posted on March 29, 2019 in Family Law

It's only natural to want to get a fresh start following your divorce — but that's not an easy proposition when you share a child or two with your ex-spouse. Whether you have primary physical custody or not, it's generally better for the kids if the parents stay relatively close to each other.

A new study, recently published in the Journal of Family Psychology, has just overturned some conventional wisdom that's been driving decisions in family courts now for a while. Generally speaking, the courts didn't consider a parent's relocation a frivolous matter — but it didn't consider it a serious problem, either.

It's actually quite detrimental to the children when their parents don't live in the same geographical area. The physical wedge between the more distant parent and the children seems to create an emotional wedge as well. Even with all the modern technological assets provided by Skype, phones, text messages, chat groups and more, the fact is that the distant parent and the child still seem to drift apart. There's just no substitution for real-life connections and the chance to bond with your children.

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 Posted on March 22, 2019 in Divorce

Twenty years ago, if you heard that someone was going to celebrate their divorce, you probably figured that meant they were going to go out to a bar with a few good friends and tie one on.

Now, there might actually be a real party — complete with a cake — involved.

Bakeries are reporting that "divorce cakes" are becoming a bigger and bigger trend in recent years. It's long been a tradition in American culture to celebrate a wedding with an elaborate — and often symbolic — cake. It rather makes sense that divorcing couples might decide to celebrate the end of a marriage the same way.

After all, done right, divorce can be sweet. If you've been locked in an unhappy marriage for a while, a divorce can be very freeing and something to truly celebrate — so why not eat some cake?

Bakers say that the requests they get for divorce cakes range from the silly the macabre. A broken "ball and chain" is a symbol that's frequently requested. And, the number one flavor that people request for a divorce cake is red velvet — perhaps symbolizing the metaphorical bloodshed that brought them to a parting of the ways with their spouse.

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 Posted on March 11, 2019 in Child Custody

Custody issues can quickly turn into a bitter dispute between divorcing parents — and that can escalate into a legal "battle royal" that involves a number of different parties and a significant expense.

Just how expensive can a child custody battle be? Here are some of the latest figures that will give you an idea of what might happen?

When parents can't agree on custody, that often means a protracted custody battle — and that means more lawyer fees. It probably will also mean heading into court — maybe several times over — to have a judge rule on various aspects of the case.

On average, you can expect to pay $20,000 over the course of the case with about $15,000 of that going toward attorney fees alone. (Keep in mind, however, that $20,000 is just an average. For some couples, the final cost can be quite a bit higher.)

In order to determine what's really in the best interest of the child, the court may also ultimately require an evaluation by a trained psychologist — and that doesn't come cheaply.

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 Posted on March 04, 2019 in Family Law

If you're divorcing when your child is young, you probably have a lot of different concerns on your mind — like where your child will live and what kind of child support will be necessary.

Unfortunately, there's one more thing you should think about — even though the issue is years away from seeming important: Your child's ability to earn a college degree.

The children of divorced parents tend to go to college less often than their counterparts whose parents remain together — and they graduate less often. That could be because many divorcing parents don't plan ahead for their children's college needs.

As you go about crafting your parenting plan with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse, here are some questions you need to answer:

• Will you be contributing to a savings fund for college, like a 529 plan?
• Will you agree to help fund your child's education at a private college or a state school? Under what circumstances?

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 Posted on February 27, 2019 in Divorce

Everybody needs a support system during a divorce. But finding the people who will be there for you through these dark days may be harder than you initially realize at the beginning of your journey.

Why might it be hard to find good support during your divorce? Frankly, some people in your life may simply feel conflicted. If they're friends with both you and your spouse, they may feel guilty talking to either of you. Others simply can't cope with the emotional issues involved because of factors unique to their own life. To fill the void in your own support network, here's where you can turn:

Your family members

When you're married, your spouse becomes your closest family member. You also have to split your time very heavily. It's not unusual for even close siblings (take England's Prince Harry and Prince William, for example) to drift apart after their carefree single days are over.

Now is a good time to lean on your siblings, parents and other close relatives. You carry a bond of shared experiences that can make it easy to reconnect.

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 Posted on February 21, 2019 in Family Law

A baby is a blessing that most couples look forward to. Sometimes, however, there are questions about a child's paternity — especially when the parents aren't married.

If your girlfriend gives birth and you aren't sure if you're the baby's father, what should you do?

Should you sign the official acknowledgment?

One of the easiest ways for an unmarried father to establish paternity of a child is to sign the Voluntary Acknowledgment of Paternity (VAP) at the hospital. This is a legal and binding document that is then filed with the Illinois Department of Healthcare and Family Services (HFS).

If there's any doubt on your part or the mother's about your paternity, don't sign the VAP. Instead, you should ask for a DNA test. These days, DNA tests are painless procedures that involve little more than taking a swab to the inside of your cheek and the baby's cheek to collect biological samples that can be compared. If your genetic data matches, you can then complete the VAP with confidence.

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 Posted on February 13, 2019 in Divorce

Going into your divorce, you need to have a plan for how you're going to rebuild your life — financially, physically and emotionally — once the divorce is done.

Here are some tips for regaining your emotional footing once the divorce is over:

1. Start figuring out what makes you happy.

You may have gotten so used to doing things as a couple that you aren't sure how to enjoy yourself while you're alone. Or, if the marriage was particularly difficult, you may have spent so long stifling your own interests that you've forgotten what you enjoy doing. Start experimenting with hobbies. Spend some time thinking about what you really enjoy and challenge yourself to do one new thing every week until you reawaken your passion and zest for life.

2. Find a new circle of friends.

A lot of divorced people find that their social circle isn't as supportive as they need it to be — especially if they had a lot of couple friends. You may not really even feel like hanging out with some of the same people that you did when you were married. Start looking up old friends and meeting new ones. Introduce yourself to strangers when you go out — or seek out a support group.

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 Posted on February 13, 2019 in Divorce

The process of ending a marriage is complicated, but it may be even more complex for couples who are over a certain age. Couples age 50 and up are making the choice to end their marriages at a higher rate than other demographics, leading to the term gray divorce. In many cases, gray divorce involves several complex financial factors, such as retirement and division of extensive marital property.

The number of gray divorces is rising, even as the divorce rate in other age brackets is declining. In fact, the last 50 years has seen the divorce rate for people age 50 and up more than double. Reasons for this include longer life expectancy and less stigma surrounding divorce.

The financial impact of gray divorce

When a couple divorces, it is often because they are unhappy and want the opportunity for personal fulfillment in the future. In addition to the prospect of future happiness, it is critical for a person facing a gray divorce to also consider the financial impact of this choice. If you are walking through this process and nearing retirement age, the following financial considerations may be important:

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 Posted on February 08, 2019 in Family Law

Premarital agreements are no longer discussed in hushed tones these days — they're fashionable among the wealthy and the not-so-wealthy alike. The change in attitude toward prenups has largely developed as a result of two factors: the rise of the entrepreneur in American and the number of people who are delaying their marriages until they're more financially stable. Both groups of people have things they want to protect if their marriages sour.

But, if you're relying on a prenup to keep your assets safe in a divorce, there are some things you need to know. Your prenup could be invalid if:

1. You pressured your spouse into signing.

The court will call foul on a prenup that was signed under duress. What kind of duress? The standards may vary a bit from state to state (or even judge to judge), but duress can be any kind of unreasonable or unconscionable pressure. For example, did your family pressure you into springing a prenup on your fiance after she already gave up her apartment, quit her job and moved halfway across the world to marry you? Did you hand your beloved the prenup to sign when he was drunk? Either could be a problem.

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