Recent Blog Posts
How do you tell your children you plan to divorce?
Very few of the decisions you make in your life will have as strong of an impact on your children as the decision to file for divorce. Divorce can affect everything from your children’s standard of living to what schools they attend.
You probably already know that divorce will be hard on your children. Being conscious of that impact is important, especially when you first tell your children about the changes they will soon experience.
What should you tell the children?
Unless your kids are old enough to understand intimate, interpersonal relationships, they probably don't need details about why you and your co-parent are divorcing. Knowing that one parent has cheated or has started compulsively gambling could damage their relationship with that parent or even their perception of themselves.
Most of the time, keeping the explanations simple and clarifying that it has nothing to do with them is more important than giving your children an in-depth explanation of your personal reasons for filing.
Unhappy in your marriage? Consider gray divorce over 50
If you are unhappy in your marriage, getting a divorce could be a possible solution. Some people, especially those who are older, are often concerned about how a gray divorce could impact them and their retirements. Others are concerned about how they may be perceived if they divorce when they’re older.
Gray divorce is seeing an increase globally, not just in the United States. Why? There are all kinds of reasons why people divorce, but some of the most common include that they:
- Are not as reliant on each other’s incomes to have a stable home. Women, for example, are more likely to have their own homes and to be independently employed, so that they have their own income and retirement accounts
- Over 50% of people reaching mid-life in the world today live to be 85, on average
- Many couples have children later in life, so they are reaching a point where they are comfortable separating once they reach their 50s
These and other causes have led to an increase in divorces overall. That being said, there are factors you should consider before divorcing at this age. Divorces aren’t the right choice for all couples, but many will benefit.
Pets aren’t property: In Illinois, they’re family
In divorces around the country, there are cases involving family pets. In most states, pets are treated the same as any other property and are subject to property division rules. In Illinois, this isn’t the case. In fact, judges now have the power to make decisions about the pet’s best interests during a divorce.
Pet custody may sound unusual, but it’s a real matter of contention for many pet parents. The reality is that pets are living creatures with feelings and preferences, so it makes sense to treat them more like family than inanimate property.
Illinois treats animals like the family they are
In Illinois, the state is a pioneer in that it believes that pets should be placed in the home that is going to provide the best care for them. Pets can have a custody schedule just like children.
In some cases, pet parents may opt to share custody of their pet even after a divorce is over. Just like with child custody cases, pet custody cases can result in a pet parenting plan and custody arrangements for beloved dogs, cats or other pets.
What’s the best way to tell your spouse that it’s over?
You’ve made the decision to seek a divorce. Now you just have to tell your spouse.
While you suspect that your spouse may not find your marriage any more fulfilling than you do, you also believe that they still want to make things work. You don’t expect this conversation to be easy, but you want to set a tone for the future that will allow for an amicable parting.
Where do you even start? Here are some suggestions:
Time your conversation carefully
You know your spouse the best, so you know whether it’s better to talk to them about something serious early in the morning or in the evening, in a public place or in private. Just be sensitive to whatever else is going on in their lives.
For example, if your spouse is about to give a big presentation at work, this conversation can probably wait for a few days.
Be clear, honest and kind
This isn’t the time to rehash every small thing that went wrong in your marriage — or even the big ones. Instead, this is the time to dig deep for your essential truths: You just aren’t happy in the relationship. You don’t feel complete. You feel drained of some vital energy that you need to thrive.
Can child support ever be extended past a child’s 18th birthday?
Children are, without a doubt, expensive to raise. If you’re paying child support, you may view your teenager’s upcoming 18th birthday with a sense of relief.
The issue may not be that simple, however. There are a few situations where child support can extend into a child’s adult years.
Three possible reasons your child support obligation may continue
Illinois law makes it possible for a court to order child support to continue into a child’s adulthood for several different reasons, including the following:
- Your child is still in high school: Not every student graduates shortly before or after their 18th birthday. If your adult child is still in high school, your obligation for support may continue until they graduate.
- Your child has a significant disability: If your child is mentally or physically unable to support themselves due to a condition that started when they were a minor, you may be required to keep paying support for some time — at least until they become eligible for other forms of financial aid, like Supplemental Security Income (SSI).
What are the best custody approaches when parents live in different states?
Custody arrangements can be challenging to negotiate when divorced or separated parents live close to one another. An added layer of complication enters into the picture when parents live in two different states.
Lots of co-parents must contend with long-distance parenting issues when sharing custody. Could some of the child custody options they implement be of use in your cross-state custodial situation?
Common approaches to shared parenting across state lines
The prospect of negotiating child custody arrangements in the above-referenced situations may seem daunting — but it doesn’t have to be that way. There are creative approaches that many families employ in such situations.
One option parents often go with when it's too far for them to travel to see their child regularly is to make a point of visiting on holidays or during summer vacation when their kids have substantial free time. A parent in this instance may request more prolonged, uninterrupted stays with their child when they arrive in town during these times, even though the child spends the bulk of the year with the other parent.
3 ways to make your divorce less upsetting
Anyone who has to go through a divorce knows that it can be upsetting. Whether you’re dealing with an arrogant or self-centered spouse, trying to navigate how to afford your lifestyle following your divorce or dealing with custody issues, it can be overwhelming and upsetting to have to divorce.
Fortunately, there are some ways you can make divorce easier on yourself. Here are a few tips to help.
Know your budget and what you need out of your divorce
The first thing to do is to know your budget and what you absolutely need out of your divorce. That way, you’ll be prepared to negotiate for more but know when you can’t take less. This gives you the freedom to negotiate away some items while fighting for the assets you truly need.
Turn on your business mind
The next thing to do is to recognize that divorcing is a legal process. It’s time to turn on your business mind and to negotiate. Divorce terminates your marriage contract, so focus on keeping your property division, custody and support issues separate from the emotional issues of ending your relationship. Doing this will help you manage the legal aspects of divorce more effectively.
Is a sunk cost fallacy keeping you in an unhappy marriage?
Has divorce been on your mind for a while now? Do you find your thoughts constantly drifting to what life would be like without your spouse underfoot? Would you rather be alone than spend time with your spouse?
Why, then, are you still married?
It isn’t unusual for unhappy couples to stick together long after a marriage sours. When freedom from one’s marital bonds is so easy to obtain in the era of no-fault divorces, what could possibly hold unhappily married couples?
It could be the sunk cost fallacy in action.
What’s the sunk cost fallacy?
Essentially, the sunk cost fallacy describes a tendency in human behavior to trudge ahead with a plan or a course of action long after it becomes apparent that the cost of doing so is outweighing the visible or known benefits. Why? Because you’ve already invested a lot of time, money or effort into the action already.
You often hear this term applied to poor financial decisions. Gamblers, for example, will sometimes wage one losing bet after another because they’ve already lost so much money that they are convinced their luck will change — or desperately hope it will, at least.
Are you entitled to visitation or custody rights as an unmarried father?
Not all relationships work out, but sometimes those relationships result in a child. Just because you are not in the other parent's life does not mean you cannot be involved in your child's.
Studies show children tend to be better adjusted when they have both parents in their lives. It's imperative that you know about your parental and custodial rights as a dad.
What your rights are as a father
If you are a biological parent of a child, then you have a legal right to custody or visitation. It is not required that the parents were married when the child was conceived in order to petition for custody.
Courts make decisions that they believe are in the best interest of the child, which generally involves both parents being in the picture. The only exception to this rule is if evidence comes to light showing otherwise, such as domestic violence or other potentially dangerous crimes.
Why you should not overcompensate your child for your divorce
One of the hardest things for a divorcing parent is knowing that your child will suffer. It can be easy to feel guilty about this and think that you need to make it up to them.
Divorce is a reality of life for many adults and many children. Your child will not be the first or the last to suffer because of it. While you should take steps to minimize the harm your divorce does to your child, you should not try to make it up to them by overindulging them.
Children might not appreciate your efforts to indulge them
A recent investigation asked adults to think back to episodes of overindulgence they had as children and asked how they had felt about it. It defined overindulgence as giving a child too much, whether that be attention or things, doing too much for them and allowing them to have life too easy. Here are the top five answers:
- 48% felt loved
- 44% felt confused
- 40% felt embarrassed
- 31% felt guilty, bad or sad
- 29% felt ashamed after initially feeling good