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Jealousy can weaken your marriage
Jealousy can arise from a number of factors. Your partner might envy your popularity, looks, professional success, wealth or other characteristics. They may be insecure and struggle with self-esteem issues. Whatever the cause, jealousy is an emotion that, if it gets overwhelming or is illogical, can become an obstacle in your marriage. It may lead to unpleasant or outright abusive behavior. You may need to consider whether you want to save the marriage or pursue a divorce.
A bit of jealousy is human and forgivable. If, for instance, your spouse sees you engaged in an animated conversation with an attractive person at a party, they might have a few twinges of resentment. It might momentarily pique their jealousy. On the other hand, if a jealous spouse has so much fury that they can barely restrain it, then something is out of kilter.
When jealousy becomes a problem
Some signs of jealousy that has turned poisonous are these:
- Making unfounded accusations that your partner has been straying
Busy career? You can still have custody
When you work many long hours, you may think that it will be impossible for you to have any respectable amount of custody of your children. Realistically, the courts like for parents to split custody as evenly as they can, because they recognize that children need both parents in their lives. Unfortunately, with such a busy schedule, you may not have the time to spend half your week with your child.
Even if you can’t split custody 50-50, you still have a right to seek as much custody as possible. So, for example, if you work four ten-hour shifts from Monday through Thursday, it’s reasonable to ask that you have custody on Friday, Saturday and/or Sunday. Exactly how much time you get on those days may depend on the other parent’s schedule as well as your child’s activities and other needs.
Put your kids first when making custody decisions
It is important to put your children first when you’re making custody decisions. While it would be nice to be able to have your child with you more often than not, is that reasonable with your schedule? You need to look realistically at your work schedule as well as their needs to determine if 50-50 shared custody is possible. If not, what is realistic for you? One day a week? Two? Work this out before talking to the other parent about the custody schedule that you think would be best.
What happens to my pension in an Illinois divorce?
When we decide to marry our partner, we sign on for a presumably lifelong commitment. We agree to co-mingle our belongings, needs, activities and goals for the future. Our lives can become so blended together that it seems impossible to distinguish between the two.
Until that is, someone opts to file for a divorce. Whether the separation is mutually agreed upon or one party is blindsided, the conversations about how to divide up the accumulated property will likely bring up some sore spots. When looking to the future, you might wonder what happens to your retirement fund during the property division proceedings?
Illinois is an equitable distribution state
As an equitable distribution state, Illinois courts will take many factors into consideration when dividing marital property. They will look at things such as the highest level of education obtained, current income and future earning potential, custody agreements (if applicable) and more. Unless you have a prenuptial agreement or some other legally binding agreement amicably created between you and your ex, you may be at the mercy of the courts when it comes to property division.
How can you save money on your divorce?
Filing for divorce isn’t something most people expect or plan for when they get married. Unfortunately, for many people, divorce happens.
When it is time to get divorced, the legal process can cost you thousands of dollars or more. Due to the high cost of divorcing, many people want to know if there’s anything they can do to reduce the price. There are a few tips that may help.
Avoid unnecessary conflict
It’s not uncommon to have hurt feelings and big emotions during divorce. This often leads to conflict throughout the process. However, the more arguments you and your spouse have, the more the divorce will cost you.
By avoiding unnecessary conflict, you can reach a settlement faster. This reduces the time you need with your attorneys and the court fees you incur. The sooner you can reach a resolution, the sooner the case can be finalized and the less money you will spend.
Collect all the needed documents early
Going to a meeting or court without the needed documents and paperwork will only slow down your case. Each time your case is delayed, you incur more court and attorney fees. By collecting everything you need for the divorce proceedings ahead of time, you can be prepared to make your case and move on.
Should you alter the custody arrangements as your children grow?
The aim of a custody arrangement is to do what is in the child’s best interest. The needs of a child still in diapers will be very different from one in high school.
The general rule is that a custody agreement should allow the child to maintain regular contact with both parents. Yet, how they do that can vary.
For a baby, it means spending physical time together. On the other hand, teenagers may be able to achieve much of their contact with you through their phones. Many of them spend most of their time talking to their friends online anyway, so not seeing one parent so much face to face will likely be less of a big deal than for someone younger.
The older your children get, the less of a role you play
This is not to say you become unimportant to your children. They still need you. Yet if you think back to when you were a teenager, how much time did you really want to spend with your parents?
You probably preferred to hang out with your mates, or girlfriend or boyfriend. Or to be at sports practice or earning money at a part-time job. The only times you saw your parents might have been at breakfast, when you came home at night, and when they forced you to go with them to visit your gran in the nursing home.
Can a teenager refuse to follow the parenting plan?
When parents divorce, they have to figure out an appropriate way to share parental rights and responsibilities. The exact division of parenting time that they have may be the result of direct negotiations with one another or litigation.
In either case, once the courts approve a custody order, both adults must do their best to uphold it. As the children in the family get older, that could be more difficult to do. Teenagers often resent the idea of forced custody or visitation with either parent, as they would rather control their own schedule and spend time online or with their friends.
Can your teenage children refuse to comply with the custody schedule you have established?
Teenage rebellion can lead to enforcement actions
If your teenager says that they won't go for a visit, you might allow them to cancel once or twice. However, once it becomes a pattern, the situation can start to look like parental alienation. Your ex could potentially go to court and ask for custody enforcement because they have not gotten their parenting time.
Don’t make mistakes with your bank account during divorce
If you're getting divorced, you probably want to start a new bank account. If you're still working, for instance, you don't want all of your checks going into your joint bank account with your spouse. Divorce can take a few months, so it could be a substantial amount of money.
Opening a new account for these paychecks is wise, but make sure that you don't make any errors that may make it appear that you're trying to do something illegal. In some cases, people make mistakes that lead the court to believe they're trying to hide assets.
Closing down your joint bank account
For instance, you may think that it's a good idea to take the money out of your joint bank account and close it. Then you can start a personal bank account and so can your spouse. This keeps the money separate and there's no confusion.
If you have not split the money from your joint account with your spouse, though, it may appear that you're trying to steal those assets and hide them in your own account. Your spouse may also be frustrated by being cut off from money that they need to go through the divorce process. Remember that money in a joint bank account is owned by both of you. While you may want to close that account eventually, don't do it too soon and make yourself appear to be taking advantage of the situation.
Will you pay alimony for life in Illinois?
Alimony is one of those things you might be left to deal with after the dissolution of your marriage. If you were the higher earner in the marriage, you may have to give your ex-spouse financial support for their maintenance. It ensures that your former spouse will continue living the life they were accustomed to during the marriage.
The amount of alimony that you will be paying your spouse depends on several factors, including:
- The length of your marriage
- The living standards during the marriage
- The disparity of income between you and your ex
- Your ex-spouse's age and physical health
- Any existing legal agreements like prenups, among others
So how long will you keep paying up?
It depends on how long you have been married
Ideally, it would not make sense to pay alimony for a longer period than the actual marriage. Under Illinois law, the duration of spousal support is directly related to how long the marriage lasted.
How to tell your adult children that you’re divorcing
Telling your adult children that you are divorcing needs to be done with care. They may be adults, but you are still mom and dad to them. No matter what their ages are, your divorce is bound to be painful for them.
When it comes to breaking the news, it’s important that both parents be there. Beforehand, you and your spouse should decide what you’ll say together. Handle the discussion with the same care and sensitivity that you would with young children.
What to say
Understand that your children may be upset or even angry. They’ve always seen you and your spouse as a unit. Respect their feelings and answer their questions as best you can. Make sure they know that:
- You will always love them. Even adult children need this reassurance. They may even feel guilt over your divorce, just like a younger child, if they think you were staying together in an unhappy marriage to raise them.
- No one is to blame. This is not the time to throw your spouse under the bus. If you assign blame, your children may feel like they're stuck in the middle and have to choose sides. Be as diplomatic as possible with the understanding that your children love both of you.
Do you have a conflict resolution plan with your co-parent?
Parenting plans can be basic and streamlined, or they can be very detailed and thorough. The relationship you currently have with your co-parent will have a strong influence on the way that you structure your parenting plan. You may include many rules, or you may leave things broad to allow for interpretation as circumstances change.
Whether the two of you get along well or you struggle to communicate calmly, you will eventually have a serious disagreement about your parental responsibilities or what is best for the children. Adding a conflict resolution system to your parenting plan can help you prevent such circumstances from derailing your custody arrangement.
How do you plan for future conflict?
Given that conflict is all but inevitable when sharing parental responsibilities, it's good to have a plan in place to reolve the dispute quickly and amicably. You can use what you know about each other to preserve your relationship.
The two of you are already be familiar with each other's communication styles and priorities. You may be able to reasonably predict when a conflict might arrive or how it will unfold. You could put rules in place to help you address disagreements quickly.
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