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Raising good students as co-parents
If you’ve been reading about studies and statistics showing that children’s school performance often drops when their parents divorce, you’re likely concerned about your own child. Whether they’re straight-A students or they’ve always struggled with learning, you don’t want their grades to suffer as a result of the changes in your family.
The good news is that this doesn’t have to happen. Even if you and your co-parent have a less-than-amicable relationship, you can commit to helping your child maintain or improve their academic performance. Let’s look at a couple of things that can make a big difference.
Make schoolwork a priority in both of your homes
This means having consistent rules about things like getting homework done before screen or playtime. Kids benefit when their parents agree on expectations and rules for them – even if they don’t like the rules.
Having habits in place, like expecting them to get to their homework immediately after dinner across both homes and checking in to see if they need help or to quiz them ahead of a test, can show them you’re both interested in their grades regardless of what’s going on in your own lives.
Can your current custody arrangement be changed?
As a parent, your first priority during the divorce will have been to settle matters relating to child custody. Whether you and your co-parent were able to come to an agreement, or the court intervened, the final custody order is legally binding.
This means that it must be stuck to. Is this custody arrangement final or can changes ever be made?
When a parent has relocated
For the most part, parents will try to work their lives around the children. However, things can change fast, especially with employment circumstances. An opportunity has arisen for one parent to make much more money, which could give the child access to better opportunities in the future. If the job is out of state, then the current custody arrangement may simply not be workable. Under these conditions, it may be possible to ask the court to make a modification.
When terms have not been followed
Your co-parent was not happy with the arrangement that the court put in place. As a form of protest, they’ve been late for pick-ups and drop-offs and it’s causing disruption for both you and the child. If this pattern of behavior is regular, then the court may have no option but to step in and modify the terms.
2 tools people employ that could help them avoid a divorce
Many people do not understand the reality of marriage until they have already made a long-term commitment to someone else. Married couples may find that they have a hard time maintaining their relationship because of bad behavior from one spouse, a mismatch of goals, opposite schedules or even health issues.
When spouses start to grow apart or resent one another, it may seem like divorce is the inevitable outcome of that situation. However, couples can employ tools to rework their relationship and sometimes prevent a divorce. What are some of the more popular approaches employed by those who want to save a troubled marriage?
A postnuptial agreement
Spouses who have conflict in their relationship due to misconduct or a change in values or expectations don't necessarily have to end their marriages. They can discuss those issues and draft a postnuptial agreement.
A postnuptial agreement can give you an opportunity to address bad behavior and impose penalties for substance abuse, infidelity or secretive gambling. It could also give you an opportunity to reevaluate your goals and values so that you and your spouse can work toward the same future together.
Can a history of substance abuse impact your custody case?
Whether it is related to alcohol or hard drugs, substance abuse can adversely impact the whole family, especially minor children. This is especially true when parents are divorced and are in a shared custody arrangement where the parent with a substance abuse problem has a right to their share of custody and/or parenting time.
Since the court makes custody ruling on the basis of the child’s best interest, it goes without saying that substance abuse can greatly impact the outcome of your custody case. At a basic level, a parent’s substance abuse can affect the child’s safety and wellbeing. Consequently, the court may impose the following conditions on a parent who using drugs while ruling on custody and parenting time:
Supervised parenting time
In Illinois, the family court can put restrictions on parental access to protect the child’s best interest. Depending on the circumstances, the court may direct a court-appointed supervisor or someone from the children’s welfare to be present while the non-custodial parent is having time with their child. The court may also specify where the parent in question will be meeting the child.
How does the court determine the best interest of the child?
Divorce is a difficult undertaking for everyone involved. Divorce can specifically, be difficult for the children. As such, the court takes an exceptional interest in the children’s post-divorce living arrangements.
Basically, the court will rule on custody and parenting plan based on what it believes to be the best interest of the child. But what exactly does this mean?
The best interest of the child as defined by the family court
The doctrine of the best interest of the child may not be straightforward. However, it basically means that the child’s post-divorce living arrangements (custody, visitation and parenting plan) must focus on promoting and encouraging the child’s safety, happiness and overall health (physical, mental and emotional).
At the very basic, the custody decision should focus on meeting the child’s essential needs. This should facilitate opportunities for the child’s development into adulthood. Of course, each child’s needs and interests are unique.
2 tips for healthy boundaries among co-parents
When you divorce, one of the best things you can do for your children is to find ways to work out a co-parenting arrangement with your ex. This requires working as a team to make decisions that are best for the kids.
Co-parenting isn’t always easy. It’s best if you set some firm boundaries at the start of the co-parenting relationship. This can help to reduce the stress of the situation and it sets a good example for the children.
Leave your personal lives out of the co-parenting relationship
One of the most important things to do is to remember that the focus has to be on the children. You shouldn’t worry about your ex’s personal life – and they shouldn’t worry about yours. The only time that personal lives should come into the picture is if there’s a chance that the circumstances could be detrimental to the kids.
Stick to the established schedule and agreed upon changes
The parenting time schedule is important. This provides the child with consistency by knowing they’re able to spend time with both parents. You and your ex must commit to keeping that schedule unless there are changes that you both agree to. Remember to alert your co-parent to important events in your child’s life if you’re the one who handles that schedule.
How is legal separation different from divorce?
Those in Illinois have three ways to sever a marriage: divorce, annulment and legal separation. You can only get an annulment in specific situations (such as incapacity or if a spouse is underage), leaving divorce and legal separation as your options.
The critical way legal separation differs from divorce is that it won’t end a marriage in the eyes of the law. In other words, you cannot remarry if you have not gotten divorced. Still, a legal separation can be the best choice for some couples looking to address a broken union.
You and your spouse are free to negotiate the same issues you would if you got a divorce. You can divide your marital property and create a spousal support agreement in your separation documents. You may even address child-related matters such as custody, visitation and support.
Why do people choose legal separation?
It depends on issues specific to each couple. Some choose legal separation because their religion rules out a divorce. Other common reasons for choosing this option include the following:
Why would a prenuptial agreement be invalid?
If your prenuptial agreement is not drafted and filed properly, it’s going to be invalid. You and your spouse can’t simply write out a note at home and store it in the safe deposit box, for instance. It’s not a legally binding document.
However, even if you take the proper steps to draft and file that prenuptial agreement, it may still be invalid. This isn’t something that you want to find out right before you file for divorce, so carefully consider why it may be invalid in advance.
It addresses child custody
First and foremost, your prenuptial agreement has to be financial in nature. You can discuss how to split up the money that you have or the assets that you own, but you cannot say anything about how you would split up custody of your children.
They never read it
If either one of you never read the agreement, it may be invalid on the grounds that one person didn’t know what they were signing. That sometimes happens in cases where the prenup is a last-minute idea and there’s just not enough time to read it and fully consider it before the marriage.
Could deferred compensation be at risk in a divorce?
One of the earliest steps people take in a divorce is creating an inventory of their property and obtaining copies of their most important financial records. Both you and your ex will need to provide each other and the courts with information about your property.
Some belongings will be separate property that you don't have to share, but much of your income and many of your assets will be subject to division in an Illinois divorce. There may be certain assets that are harder to categorize than others, especially for high-asset couples facing a complex divorce.
If you are an executive or another highly compensated professional, you may have deferred compensation included in your employment contract. Will that deferred compensation play a role in property division proceeding in your Illinois divorce?
When you earn the income is what matters
For the purpose of the equitable distribution of marital property, it is when you learn or acquire income or assets that determines whether those assets belong to you and your spouse or you separately. A portion of your deferred compensation could be vulnerable to claims by your spouse, even if you won't receive that money for several years.
2 financial issues tied to custody arrangements after divorce
You probably realize that your divorce will have a lasting impact on your financial circumstances. Not only will the official end of your marriage usually result in the division of your property, but it will also require that you split your responsibilities towards your children with your ex.
The allocation of parental rights and responsibilities in Illinois divorce is one of the most important parts of the process when there are children in the family. The courts look over the family circumstances and try to make choices that will be in the best interests of the children in the family.
Those decisions may ultimately have some financial implications for the parents.
The division of parenting time influences child support
The more disparity there is in the parenting time each parent receives, the greater the likelihood that one of them will have to make substantial child support payments to the other. If the two of you divide parenting time evenly, there will be less obligation for child support.